post number 3 - dtr's

I have learned and experienced quite a bit this past week. I have a strong belief in dtr's, aka Define The Relationship talks. Dtr is a noun, just so everyone knows. To have a dtr, one or more members in the relationship need to feel the need for one. Next, they need to vocalize or otherwise communicate that feeling to others in the group. Usually, that is the most difficult part of the process, because it connotes a negative vibe about the relationship, even if it is a positive type of dtr, which are more rare. When dtr’s occur, there is usually some beef or concerns in the relationship that need to be resolved and discussed so that the partnership can move forward and progress, or not so much, and end. Many of my high school and college relationships ended in dtr’s, simply because (using Exchange Theory) the cost/benefits ratio was not working out for one or both of us. ANYWAY, my wife and I have been married since August 30, 2008, and it was time for a dtr. Since we are married and we don’t use the word “divorce” (or anything like it) in our vocabulary, this was a dtr that had to end well and work out for both of us. Sometimes in popular culture/media, you hear about marriages that hit a rough patch around 2-5 years of being married. At least I have. So I think that's where we were, and dealing with a lot of stress from our ninos because we just Noah off the binky and bottle, and Charlie is going through some gnarly bowel problems and growing so much. Basically Rachel felt like I always told her how to parent and didn't show her respect and I felt like she was being selfish all the time and acknowledging everything I did do. That's the Reader's Digest version, definitely. So the other night we got it all out on the table and hashed it out. And now, we have gained new perspective, cleared up everything that we could think of, recommitted to each other and the Lord a lot of things, and our love is so much deeper and full because (in large part) to our dtr. It is good to sit in council one with another once in a while. :)